Family & Work Balance
"Jane and I agreed when we had a family that she would stay home with the kids, and she's a fantastic mom. She takes care of everything.
The problem is she's always wanting me to spend time with the family. She seems to have forgotten what the high-tech world is like. The pressure's always on. When I am under a deadline, I have to work on the weekends. I enjoy being with our children and her and yet it seems as though whatever I do with the family is not enough."
"I know how hard John works and I appreciate the comfortable life he provides for us. I sometimes wonder whether work isn't just an excuse to get away from us. When we finally do something as a family, he seems a thousand miles away. Even the kids notice it."
This is a common relationship complaint in Silicon Valley. Arguments can get quite heated and couple relationships can get eroded pretty rapidly when these issues show up and don't get resolved.
One of the first and most important steps for this couple will be to use active listening skills to fully understand and develop empathy for their partner's perspective, feelings, and the impact of their behavior on the relationship. Of course, they will also need to learn the skill of managing their own defensiveness and reactivity in order to listen.
When John can understand why it is important to Jane that they share time together as a family and what that would mean to her, he may learn that she misses him. She doesn't want their children to miss out on what a wonderful man and fun-loving father he is. He may begin to discover ways to structure his work time differently.
When Jane can find ways to support John in deadline pressure at work, she may learn that his working so hard is one way he is showing caring for her and their children. She may discover steps she can take so John, the children, and she can have more time together.
The problem is she's always wanting me to spend time with the family. She seems to have forgotten what the high-tech world is like. The pressure's always on. When I am under a deadline, I have to work on the weekends. I enjoy being with our children and her and yet it seems as though whatever I do with the family is not enough."
"I know how hard John works and I appreciate the comfortable life he provides for us. I sometimes wonder whether work isn't just an excuse to get away from us. When we finally do something as a family, he seems a thousand miles away. Even the kids notice it."
This is a common relationship complaint in Silicon Valley. Arguments can get quite heated and couple relationships can get eroded pretty rapidly when these issues show up and don't get resolved.
One of the first and most important steps for this couple will be to use active listening skills to fully understand and develop empathy for their partner's perspective, feelings, and the impact of their behavior on the relationship. Of course, they will also need to learn the skill of managing their own defensiveness and reactivity in order to listen.
When John can understand why it is important to Jane that they share time together as a family and what that would mean to her, he may learn that she misses him. She doesn't want their children to miss out on what a wonderful man and fun-loving father he is. He may begin to discover ways to structure his work time differently.
When Jane can find ways to support John in deadline pressure at work, she may learn that his working so hard is one way he is showing caring for her and their children. She may discover steps she can take so John, the children, and she can have more time together.
Labels: communication, couple relationship, couples counseling, marriage counseling, workplace stress
posted by Ann L Stevenson at
4:18 PM
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