Building Listening Muscle

"John, you're wrong. That wasn't the way it happened!"
"Mary, I'm not going to listen to this anymore until you admit the truth!"

Sound familiar? Many couples disagree on "the truth," which usually translates as their version of what happened. Sometimes, they get so attached to their own reality that they are unwilling to hear their partner's different and equally valid experience of the same situation.

Some couples spend so much time and energy defending their own positions that they are exhausted before making any headway in working through and resolving the original conflict. Just as people go to the gym daily to build muscle, couples would be wise to build their listening muscle.

Why is this so important? Have you ever noticed how you respond when someone really takes the time to listen attentively and gets what you intend to communicate? Is it easier to hear their ideas even when they are different from yours? Do you ever find that when both of you listen effectively, each of you is open to working together? Is that solution usually more successful than what either of you might have discovered on your own?

Maybe it's time to gain the skills to strengthen your listening muscle.